he is the guy that rainbow-ed my mornings and nights,he is the guy that paint my days,doodling like there's no end and he is the one that colours my life.
i decided not to continue my 30 day challenge because i think my vents are much more important than posting music videos from YouTube every single day.i need a place to vent,that's why i created this blog,sometimes talking to people,they don't get you,understand you and feel you hence i usually retreat to my own world and to my blog of course,giving myself a pep talk *yes i do that :P* and i'll be back as a normal sane me.last night was tough.i admit it was totally 100% my fault and all the blame was on me.i shouldn't be so hard on my boyfriend,i shouldn't be a complete monstrous bitch and i completely regret of what i did to him.i shouldn't put too much pressure on him.i shouldn't be selfish.i shouldn't be so self centered.i shouldn't be the type " ME ME ME ".i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me nowadays,i don't know why my mood always changes all the time,from to the happiest lady in the universe falling down rapidly to the evil wicked bitch and when that happens,my mouth turns poison,every curse words comes out like a bomb,an acid bomb until Chen felt so down for the first time in his life.in his life.sometimes,i wish i could shove a bar of soap right down to my throat so i will never ever utter a single word that might cause me regret for the rest of my life. *sigh* when i get angry,my mouth has no filter,i will say whatever i wanna say and i know what words that will going to hurt your feelings and cause you misery.i did that to so many people back then and to ask do i regret some of it?yes but some of those humans were deserved my spiteful words.anyway,i feel like i'm a bad girlfriend.so bad until i cried while halfway through sleep last night and that was the first time i felt like that in my life. *sigh*
despite my drama queen attitude since i was in a high school,Chen forgave me and in fact,he's still being so sweet to me and ask for forgiveness.where am i going to find a good boyfriend like that?maybe in the past he was a "dick" and not being a proper boyfriend blablabla but he changed,he really changed for good and he is the mature one now instead of me.he is the wise one,he is the peace maker and he is the good guy here,not me.i need to get rid of my attitude for real good,i must,not just because of my relationship with him,for the sake of other people as well.i don't want to hurt others with my words anymore.
when you're in a deep connection with someone,you know either the person is the one for you or not the one for you.you don't have to search,figure it out or looking for it,you can feel it naturally.once you feel it,you know it and this is what happens to me and Chen.despite of the age difference,lack of same interests,i usually don't like what he like and vice versa,we have our own idea and perceptions about dreams,life and almost about everything yet i am madly in love with him.why you ask?i don't know..i just love him and when you have no absolute answer about that particular question,it indicates that you love that person so much you take him/her wholeheartedly.credits to Tumblr#
i feel safe in his arms,i feel comfortable,at ease each time we hang out,i feel loved,i feel blessed,i feel great,i feel at peace each time i see his face.he is home to me and i don't want to be late for the last train.
p/s ; we can be like Nick and Norah you know,riding an old car looking for Fluffy and listening to The Real Tuesday Weld and just enjoying each other's company. Dick and Sarah,just like you said. (: