frankly, i am lost right now. i really don't know what to do with my life. i don't know which path should i take because everyone is pulling me towards different directions. ever since i was a kid, i listen to my family about work, about education and about life. i appreciate their opinions but sometimes, they're smothering me. each time i want to voice out about what i want, i will receive numerous of negative comments/ judgment remarks instead of positive ones. there are reasons why i don't want to continue my degree, i don't want to take up courses that i do not like/dislike/loathe/hate because i know who i am. i do not want to drop out like my brother and it's all because of the pressure from my family. i sometimes think am i living in this harsh world for what i am or what i want to be or is it because i live to please them, to make their dreams come true instead of making my dreams come true. i always wanted to involved in arts ever since primary school but my dad won't let me go near arts and take economics instead which i am pretty much sucks in it. sigh* and work, they putting up high hopes in me to get a job in the government institution but i really do not want to work with the gov. i do not want to get up every morning and feeling sucks doing things that i don't like for the rest of my life.
is it okay for me to say my life sucks? i need to say it out because i have no one to confide in. people don't understand me most of the time so i won't bother myself to explain to them why i'm being passive most of the time. wanna judge me again and saying i'm ungrateful or whatever? do so. i really couldn't careless of what my family let alone strangers gonna say about me. i think my brain is definitely mean words proof by now.
i still remember my UK friend Carl texted me all the way from Manchester just to say he's feeling a bit down, lost and didn't know what to do with his life and he's 27. i really didn't know what to say to him because i never experienced it until recently.
now i know how it feels like to be an adult, and lost.