dear Monday,i miss my Cecen.there are times i wake up early in the morning,i wish i was in my hometown,Kuching and all of these are just a dream,a bad dream but reality comes knocking my head hard,i am completely not dreaming,wide awake and eventually,the feeling of upset came through inside me.i hate that feeling.really hate it and not being able to do anything about it except hoping that we will survive in this distance matter,it's really hard,based on my last experience,it didn't turned out as we thought so to be frank,i am kinda scared with this relationship of ours.i am incredibly happy with him,feeling the bliss and feel so blessed to have him in my life but..as a human being,i do have fears as well.the fear of losing him,the fear of distance and the fear of hope.yes,i am fully aware of the phrase "don't put too much hope because hope could kill you" but tell me,have you ever not put any hope in your relationships before even a little?that's what i am dealing with,i try not to put any single hope because i am too scared of getting hurt,scared of being left,scared of the old wounds would bleed again but it is in my nature to hope though a bit and i think hope and human can't be separate,ever.i try to distract myself from overthinking about the future of us,we both agree just to live in the present,in the moments,keep on creating memories and just..be happy with each other's company.i am in love with him.this is not a rebound phase,just for fun or whatever people says,this is true,the feeling is true and it came naturally.that's what i like about it,i didn't even intend to fall for him nor liked him way back when we were still friends.zero actually but fate intervened into our lives and here we are now,madly in love with each other. :) funny doesn't it,how life works.unexpected things happens,and sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's good.fortunately for me,it was more than good,it was the greatest. :)
and i hope this would be the last,amen.
