✎ Dishevelled

i slept at 4 in the morning last night.well, 6 hours ago and i woke up around 8 am something.my head hurts to the max right now,i cant even think properly.my eyes,don't make me start on that and i can't shut my eyes anymore to give them a proper rest. *sigh* 

i can't stop thinking as well.there is something i just want to let it out from my troubled heart but venting here on public won't do me any good.i don't want to trouble up my friends either since they have enough problems of their own to deal with.

i don't know what is wrong with me frankly,i feel agitated most of the time,anxiety attack and being snappy towards anyone.i didin't mean to be one but, i really can't help it.people should lock me up and sew up my mouth to prevent me from being violent,well,verbally of course.not physically.i feel so restless,mood swings has taken over me like fire and sometimes, boyfriend has to deal it with and i feel bad for him. :( 

forlorn,languid,emptiness and the feeling of crying my heart out but, not even a shed comes out from my eyes. what is happening to me. 

last night, boyfriend and i had a talk on the phone at 2 in the morning, he was being lovely and sweet to me as usual but i had this off feeling until i had to made him stop talking and the feeling of bursting into tears increased as fast as a lightning from 50 to 150. *sigh* 

i miss my boyfriend you know, i haven't seen him since he left,almost 2 months and i am lying if i say i am okay because i am definitely not okay with this.his lappy broke down,no internet line on his rental house,he can't even send mms to me because his phone's mms setting is just asdfghjkl.the only thind we could do to survive this LDR is just by texting and calling each other up.it's like living in the 90's era where Nokia 3310 was the major hit.regardless,i still feel grateful tho that we still manage to contact each other up rather than none but you know, to see a glimpse of him for a while would be nice and to see his smile upon his face in front of me virtually would definitely cure my heart ache. :(

✎ Bikini and Cheney :)

Have i ever say to you that i love you very dearly until i want to eat you up until there are no bones left? and how i want to hug you so tightly i don't want to let you go although i know i have to because i don't want you to suffocate in the embrace of my arms.

7 months in a relationship with the only one Dick Cheney and i can't emphasize enough how blissful i am to be with him :* 

and to add to my already blissful October, my new bandeau bikini just arrived from H&M  and i feel so Naomi Clark in 90210 except for the boobies of course. :D super love it and my bikini collection is expanding! well i think i want to buy a new pair soon because i am kinda obsessed with bikinis at the moment.why you ask? i have no idea myself. :3

✎ Starcrossed Lovers

Romeo and Juliet,i had been watching the movie multiple times now.thank God i managed to record the movie on Astro just in time before my dad switched to other channel.tear jerker - the name suits the movie most.i know it is an old movie,from the 90's and young Leo Dicaprio * cute baby face * was the Romeo and he played the character damn well and of course Claire Danes the stunning gorge as Juliet Capulet.they both acted beautifully,so naive of their love i just cannot hold back my tears.sigh* if you didn't shed a tear when watching this movie,you are definitely not a human.a man made of moon rock perhaps?

" Good night, Good night for parting is such a sweet sorrow, that i shall say Good night till it be morrow "

" For never was a story of more woe , than this of Juliet and her Romeo "

i wonder whether in this vast wide world, is there a love story like Romeo and Juliet happens to the real life human beings?i can't help myself but wondering because if there is,i have no words to utter for it is too sad to speak a word. :( 

✎ I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In #np country hottie Taylor

                    

" Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met and Loving him was red "

she looks smoking hot in that video,like i could go gay for her. :D i noticed she changed a lot,her fashion style  to point out a few.instead of the usual sparkly glittery dress like a fairytale princess,she dresses like 1930's - 40's lady.you can see from the video We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,she wore a vintage long full bloom skirt dress which was lovely for me.i like her sense of style now,more mature and definitely hot although she didn't show any cleavage to oomph up her hot factor.

|| credits to weheartit.com ||

way to go Taylor Swift! :)

✎ Distance.

6/09 - 6/10 ; it has been a month.the brain and the soul can't stop wandering to where he is now.

Hello beautiful world :)

i love the feeling and the smell of freshly washed hair,the nails are neatly groomed and coated with red blood colour * i always love love love red nail colour, i feel instantly sexay in it :D * skin is pampered by the sweet scent of my Nivea lotion and just lazying around in my room and music is playing full blast on my ears.now,let me tell abit of my life, * past *

so while i was taking my bath,scrubbing my back and you know the rest,my past suddenly came across  into my mind.no,it doesn't have anything to do with the shower and water before people gonna assume blindly geez.the high school memories floating into my brain,the pinafores * i never wear baju kurung because i can't stand heat and i love looking like a Japanese school kids with their blunt straight bangs xD * the laughters,the fights and the bad times as well as the good times.i still recall when i was in Form 3,Maria and i were laughing silently at the back of the class because of something that i can't recall and Miss Kho called up my name and told me to read a paragraph loudly in class and i was being so selamba one and tidak takut cikgu asked her back " which page did you want me to read? " and BAMMED! i got yelled at " HOW DARE YOU ASK ME WHAT PAGE? STUDENT LIKE YOU SHOULD GET THROW OUT FROM THE WINDOW BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO RESPECT AND OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE NOT CONCERNTRATING IN MY CLASS! " and my awesome bestfriend Maria kept on laughing at me with her head laid on the table and i ended up stood the whole period and that teacher never spoke to me again.epic form 3 moment.haha!

then i was 16 and 17,class teacher always changed my seat and tried so hard to separate me and my best friends,i was a chatter bug,talkative and always got demerits for didn't use name tags,unhooked pinafore,skirts too short,earrings too big for school rules * hoop earrings, ngegeh nak * handbags and makeups.when i was 17 i was called to see the principal because i used slippers on exam days,demerit points  and i was also called by the dicipline teacher and interrogated for two hours straight about something that related to my ex boyfriend.life was tough at that time but i managed to score excellent results on SPM * which no one,i repeat NO ONE EVEN TEACHERS would expect me to score in every subs * and i further my study to Form 6 at St.Joseph's school.ever since then,i always met Chen * my boyfriend now :3* in the canteen ronda ronda carik org,nagged me to wear tie,tucked in my shirt and always said "BOSS,OPPPP,MINUM GIK" now we are together as an item we always drunk together until we both lose our mannerism in front of people.haha.18 to 19 years old,i experienced the most bitter experience i ever tasted in my life,my first major heartbreak and i was in a final year.let me tell you this and picture it in your mind as well ; you and your ex boyfriend of 3 years plus is in the same class,you have to see him each and every morning and sit next to him and at the same time,your heart hurts so fucking hard you just wanna cry your eyes out but you can't because you don't want to look weak in front of people and what makes it more worse is you see him flirting with other girls who is in the same class with you both and they ended up together as a couple.tell me are you really that strong enough to witness all of that shits every day in your life for the rest of the year?i guess your answer is " no " right? but i did it,i faced it strongly everyday,i did what a strong girl should do and now,i survived and ended that shitty year with a big wide smile upon my face and head held high and loads of booze as well.

i wasn't the type of a club and a party girl but i did went once in a while when i was 19,20,21 and 22.i hung out with this dj whom i met in a club,then there was this conversation that was kinda like awake me up from my daily hangouts at town. " do you wanna come with me to KL Rave this year or next year perhaps?it's great,been there doing dj-ing, ... .. .. ....,it's fun,you should come " and at that exact moment i realised that all i want was to stay at home,watching tv and have some me time instead of outing and drinking every nights.i was kinda a rebel and i ever went home at 5 am and got bombed by my police dad xD. ever since then,i cut down my social activities,hung out with Shela most of the times,eating and camwhoring and i felt fresh from all of those activities that once made me a heavy drinker until i landed in a Doc's office. :/

then i was in long distance relationship with a Sabah lad but we didn't made it as most people in our lives would thought we would be but i have nothing to regret about it because every people came into my live has a purpose with life lessons came along so i won't and refuse to let bitter experience make me a bitter person.instead i took it whole heartedly and learnt from all those and become who i am now.fast forward,i worked in a photography studio and most of the time i spent a day at the studio,helping with the sets,the lightings,cameras and such.i sometimes worked from 7.30 am to 9 pm or 10 pm because of photo session,depending on what type of photography,wedding or potraiture.no time for my own life,i even worked on Saturdays and Sundays and of course it tires me out but because i love photography,i'm willing to work my ass off,earn money as well as enhancing my knowledge more about photography.

2012 - 23 years old and in love with my beau now, Dick Cheney.almost 7 months dating each other up and perfect smiley face every day.i admit at this age,i'm not into club scene anymore,i prefer lounging in my room,with him lying down by my side and talking and laughing all day long and thank God he is being an understanding boyfriend,x mok havoc2 pegi town enjoy sampei sik sedar dunia.that phase,it was long gone passed.now i prefer a calmer relationship and just lie down,stargazing.cooking and watching movies together,private intimate moments.that is the thing  that i love to do now with boyfriend and he loves it as well.when it comes to love,i am old fashioned and i love being one. :D

me 20 years old - boyfriend and i were still friends at the time and he wrote a comment on facebook " apa kau makin steady tok phylliz? "HAHAHAHAHA I STIIL REMEMBER OKAY CHEN. :D

me 2012 - 3 years later. " i put this photo as my lappy's wallpaper baby " - Chen the lovely boyfriend :*